Group Discussion: Friendship

What is an assumption people make about you when you're socializing?

Maudey: People think I am mentally challenged because my body and voice work differently.

Joe: Yes. People don't understand that we understand.

Dylan: Just cause I look different does not mean I think or feel different.

Jack: People assume I don't want friends because I look like I am only in my own head.

Christopher: Even though I want to say some people are very open, mainly people judge by appearances. It makes them think I am stunted mentally.

How do you enjoy spending time with your friends?

Jack: I don't think NT [neurotypical] people realize we don't have to be doing something to enjoy hanging out with each other.

Joe: I agree. I love our group discussions but it is also good to just be together.

Maudey: Yes we have communication with each other that you might not see or hear or understand but it is amazing.

Dylan: It is funny but we have whole relationships with each other that NT people do not see.

Christopher: I like being with people who understand that I am smart. Even I know how important it is to have friends who understand your value. I don't mind how very much, just that I spend time with people who really know me.

What do you look for in a friend?

Maudey: I want friends to be empathetic. That is pretty easy with autistic friends but harder to find with NT friends.

Dylan: It is two very different types of friendship. Both are important.

Joe: I think autistic people have a basis of understanding that makes it easier to bond. It is harder to make friends with NT people. They have to really want to learn and get educated about autism and spelling.

Jack: I feel the same. I prefer to hang out with other spellers most of all.

Christopher: Definitely agree that being with those in the same boat is easiest. With other spellers it is like we get each other so we already have a lot of empathy between us.

When we posted excerpts of the above discussion, several people commented that they wanted to hear more about what Maudey said: "...we have communication with each other that you might not see or hear or understand but it is amazing," so we asked our spellers to elaborate on the bond they share:

Maudey: I love that people are interested in what I said. I meant that it is easy for me to see the truth of people. I see people in color. Like Joey is blue. He is intelligent and an old soul. I feel what those around me feel. I think my autistic friends probably feel the same.

Jack: Definitely feel the same. It is not like mind reading, more like emotional synergy. I know it seems like very hippie science but I really know how to feel people's emotions. I am challenging what people say about autists not being empathetic. We are more empathetic than anyone!

Alex D.: Jack I like how you think. Peoples' misconceptions are crazy. It is beautiful that it is not true. We are definitely the most empathetic of all. It is obvious isn't it? If we are really sensitive to all the sensory things around us doesn't it make sense that we are really sensitive to peoples' emotions?

Alex V.: I love this. We are most empathetic.

Joe: Shame demoralizes one too much. The RPM [Rapid Prompting Method, another method of spelling on a letterboard] easily gave me the means to communicate about my goals but my feelings are different. The kids on the spectrum easily process feelings. For people interested in how the autist gets his or her information I mean mean that my information is gotten through the sensory of people's vibrations.

Rose: I love this question. Greatly agree with Maudey. Not like people think with us. We are always paying attention. I love learning about people and I do it only by paying attention. I mean thought and feeling all in sync.

Maudey: I love what everyone said. Especially what Jack said about emotional synergy. It is so true. I am not sure how to explain it better than that.

Jack: I am happy we are talking about this. Happy for people to know we are not what you think. Happy for people to know that we are emotionally and intellectually complex. My work is to prove that to all.

Joe: Yes to that only I think some people may never get it. It is unfortunate but we can only prove it to people who are open to listen.

Rose: Not sure I agree. I think people can change their minds. I think it is worthwhile to try. I may be too optimistic but I have hope.

Alex D.: Hope is a challenging thing but it is a beautiful thing, Rose. I love that you think that. It gives me hope too. I think we work to tell our stories and hopefully people listen.

Christopher: I think telling our stores is our calling. It is a way for us to make the world more loving and empathetic. Always challenges are worthwhile if you use them to help others.